Dear Mother,

I wish you would have loved me. Not a lot, just a little bit. Make me feel wanted in your life and all.
I remember how you played with me as a baby. My whole world lit up at your smile. Then, I stopped being interesting for you. Was it because I looked too much like my father? Was it because I reminded you of him? Was that why you were beating me for no reason, with a belt, leaving welts into my skin? You took one look at me, you saw him, the abuser, the man who raped you repeatedly every night, out of every week, out of every month for 30 years of marriage, drunk and smelly (FYI: you could have left him!). Or was it because you were too busy to keep him interested, you figured you could abandon me.
Now you come to me and you ask for things. Mostly, you want me to be closer to you. Ironic request! For so many years you rejected me, after calling me names and a lier, when you were the one lying to yourself and the world. You always complained you didn't have access to my life. It's because you weren't interested. I was always honest with you, only you couldn't notice the honesty. You couldn't accept the honesty. You always thought I was hiding something, until I started believing that myself. Eventually, I realized all that I was hiding was the abuse. Father abused me at night. You abused me during the day. You never accepted me for who I was. You never gave me a chance. Why this sudden interest in me being closer to you? It's kind of shocking, after all these years when you couldn't care less.
The relationship I had with you translates into every relationship I ever had with female friends. Since you only taught me mistrust, that's the best I can do. I now need to move forward. Let me go! I need to have sane, routine, steady friendships. I can't keep begging for your love. I can't keep clinging on every female friend I got: "will you be my mommy?" I need to be functional, and for that, I accept the fact that you never loved me, you never will. I'm an orphan. I was not blessed with a mother and I'll do my best to have functional friendships with people, without trying to fulfill old needs. Those needs were not fulfilled at their time, now it's too late and I got new needs to think of. Sometimes you're lucky and get what you want. Sometimes you got to cut your losses to move on.
This is what I'm doing, mother: I'm cutting my losses. I'm cutting you out of my life. For good!