thought vs feel

Where does sadness come from? When does it end? Any film, any sappy line, any retarded happy ending, any melodramatic innuendo has the same effect on me like the death of a dear person. My hard earned intellectual capacities don't allow me to panic. I feel and I judge myself at the same time. I feel and I'm ashamed of myself for feeling. It's as if I let myself down. It's as if the intellectual in me would tell the emotional self: "You're an idiot. Your behavior is shameful and you know better than that. How dare you feel, when you've got me, the intellectual who can shortcut feelings and think instead." It's as if the intellectual self is afraid to be irrelevant and eventually replaced, if the emotional self would take over.
I feel a desperate need to cry and not a tear comes out. I think about the sad stories of my past. I remember how I decided to take care of myself, when I felt rejected and forgotten by the entire world starting with my parents. I needed comfort and there was no one to provide and I hugged myself. I promised myself to hug and soothe myself any time I needed to, but myself became a lonely place. As years go by, I feel like ripping through myself and see what's out there, let others hug me. Problem is: I can't tell the good hug from the bad hug. Nobody taught me how to discern.
Thought vs Feel is my conflict. How to resolve it? How to make myself big enough to contain both without inhibiting each other? How can I have both function at the same time?