Inner child

I kept reading about this inner child that needs to express its feelings about the abuse. The more I read, the more I realize my entire persona is being taken over by my inner child. I react like a child to most events around me. I'm fearful, socially awkward and I literally have an anxiety attack every time I'm in public. I don't know how to joke, my mind draws a blank even during the most basic conversations.
I spend a lot of time in the house, by myself. I work weekends and during the week I do chores around the house, because repetitive actions make me feel safe and allow me to reorganize my mind. I can't sit still, unless I lay on the sofa, playing some game on an ipod. I also play a lot of computer games, wasting time, rather than take care of my "to do" list. Then I feel guilty for having wasted that time and I pick a fight with my partner, to feel important, or to lecture him about something.
My inner child wants to play a lot and doesn't care much about my grown-up needs. My inner child wants to be on vacation forever, while the adult me is worried about not having a retirement plan, about not finding a better job than the shitty one I currently have. My inner child wants to eat chocolate and candy, while the adult me is worried about my cholesterol levels and the weight I've gained. My inner child refuses to work, search for a job or even think about handling rejection in a responsible way. The adult me knows that this situation can't last forever.
I'm trying to jump start my life. I'm trying to apply to grad school and feel already defeated because I'm facing some obstacles in obtaining recommendation letters. I worry about taxes I can't afford to pay and the mere idea of having to organize myself in order to apply for financial aid, makes me want to spin in circles and sing nursery rhymes, while my mind settles for a safe spot. I'm tempted to hate my inner child. I know I should be patient and nurse it back to health so that I can move on with my life in a safe way, but how long will it take? How long should I parent this child for? When will I be free to make some adult choices? I need to be active again. I have nightmares about not being successful enough and I can't bare the idea of being a loser. I've always been an overachiever. Am I missing out on life to sort out my childhood demons? I'm envious of my partner because he has a great job and makes enough money.
I drink coffee and my mind races through the maze of my daily routine. My inner child is bored and completely uninterested by all this grown-up talk.
I feel like the adult self should know better and pick up the inner child and move on to a better place where both the adult and the child can feel safe in a natural coexistence. But where is that place? What do I need to get there?