letter to my mother

I hate my job, yet I continue doing it: I'm recreating a pattern. I relive the abuse in my mind to make myself vulnerable, to learn. This time I'm learning about myself. Everyday I drive to work I think about some memory, about talking to my mother or my father. It'll take time to think about all the damage they have done onto me. I'll have to stick with this work, until I'm done thinking about the abuse. The thinking has to be done so that I can move on. The day I'll quit, I will be reborn as a new, stronger me.
Today I thought about the following scenario: my retired mother is getting old and fears being alone and not taken care of. She tries to guilt me into moving to the old country and taking care of her. My response to her would be:
I have my own life to live. You had plenty of chances of being with me. You gave them all up. You never cared about me. You never knew I existed and those times you were aware of my existence, all you did was hate me. You lied to me too many times, while calling me a liar. You abused me and my trust and my love for you. I won't return to that. I choose to not believe you anymore. I choose to live my life instead of soothing your pain. You chose how to live your life. You wanted to be married to a monster. You loved him and protected him even when you knew it was wrong. I admire you for your strength. I won't judge you for your choices. I'm sure you have good reasons to have done the things you've done. I don't want to be part of it anymore. I'm not interested in saving you anymore. I know I promised to rescue you, it turns out you never wanted to be rescued. You don't even remember me. You keep saying you want the best for me, but how can you want that when you don't even know me? How would you know what the best is for a complete stranger? I am a stranger to you. You have no recollection of me as a child, of how fragile I was, of how you never had enough of a maternal instinct to defend me. Be lonely, cause that's what you picked for yourself. Live the consequences of your actions. I won't feel guilty for you anymore. I take my power back from you. I will love you cause you are my mother and you gave life to me, but I refuse to let you hurt me again. Be well!