Cip

I went to camp when I was abut 15 and memories were trying to come to my conscious mind, but I didn't have the tools to cope yet, the language to express the pain, the support I needed for such a trauma to resurface. As a result, I repressed all sexual desire from my hormone ridden teenage body, constraining myself and any sexual thought my mind would try to concoct.
I tried religion for a while, but I had a big problem with the suspension of reason. Blind faith never really worked for me, plus I could see through the cracks of church dogma and although I couldn't remember the abuse, I knew better than to blindly trust someone.
At camp, I met this boy, my age, named Cip. He had big green eyes. He was missing one front tooth. He lost it in a fight and he was wearing the gap as spoils of war. He was not ugly, although his friends continuously told him he looked that a monkey's behind. He literally crashed the camp, lodging with a friend who was attending that camp. He slept on the floor of that friend's cabin for 3 days. That sounded heroic and dangerous to me. I liked him immediately. We met on the dance floor, at the camp's disco, where I went with my girlfriends. I was dancing by myself, because my friends didn't want to dance. He saw me and started dancing with me. I spent the night on the beach with him and watched the sun rise from the sea. We didn't sleep together, we mainly talked and eventually we kissed. He was very sweet and sort of a mama's boy underneath this "tough guy" persona his friends saw. He had a hard on the entire night and told me jokingly that he'll die for lack of blood to his brain, but he didn't force himself onto me. He was funny and cool to hang out with.
He asked me to sleep a few hours with him on his friend's floor, in a sleeping bag. I accepted because i didn't know how to say no. I had no boundaries. We didn't have sex, we just slept, and that was nice for me.
Later in the year, he came to my home town with his 2 friends, to visit. They all slept in my room. My mother actually was cool for once and allowed them in, no questions asked and even fed them some food. That night he showed me his private parts and I pretended I never saw one before. It was a very playful thing, no guilt, just plain normal discovering each other. We haven't stayed in touch, but he recently found me on facebook. He's all grown up, yet still a very pleasant person to talk to. Still a nice guy I'll always remember dearly.